Southern Gentleman

Uh oh, I fell in love with another man last night.

My Southern Gentleman didn’t quite look like his pictures (yet another online date…is there any other way to meet people these days?)…he looked about a thousand times better…he shocked and (pleasantly) surprised me with his huge, sparkling green eyes and killer smile…something about his uneven teeth making them the sexiest ones I’d ever seen. We both exchanged smiles (probably of relief and excitement) as I approached him at the bar and he bent down from his 6’3” stature to hug me hello. Things got off to a good start when the bartender actually carded me for my glass of wine…which I found quite comical, but quite nice! And I commented, “Wow, I must really look good tonight!”
Southern Gentleman told me he reserved a table for us…so, we settled into a too brightly lit booth and talked and talked and talked. It was when we sat down that he commented that I do look like my pix…I guess the dim light of the bar didn’t highlight the extent of my gorgeousness, as it was portrayed online….I told him that he looks very different from his pix…he said he’s not a fan of himself in pictures and he actually doesn’t have very many of himself. The fact of the matter was, I felt completely mesmerized by and somewhat giddy from his good looks…like I didn’t want to take my eyes off of him for long enough to figure out that I wanted the crab cakes, because he was just so handsome… it was one of those times where I was simply compelled to tell this guy how gorgeous he was….but I toned it down a bit, and instead of leaping across the table and onto his lap, I just told him he should have more pictures of himself because he’s very handsome.
The waitress kept coming over to take our order, but even though our eyes had perused the menu, we hadn’t actually read anything….which he admitted to me…I asked him if he needed me to read it to him, but he assured me that he COULD read (good sense of humor- check). We settled on the artichoke appetizer, he had pecan trout and I went for the crab cakes…usually hard to go wrong with those.
As soon as they served us the artichoke, they brought us our entrees too. Of course, I found this completely unacceptable, which apparently my tell-tale face conveyed. When I looked at the food runner in horror and disgust, she sheepishly and stupidly asked if it was okay or did we want her to take the food back? Trying not to be a total difficult Boca bitch, I deflected to Southern Gentleman who, of course, said he didn’t have a problem with it (made me think of my soon-to-be brother-in-law)….so the entrees sat there for a few minutes getting cold until our waitress stopped over and, seeing the completely unacceptable faux pas, apologized emphatically and sincerely and insisted on taking the entrees away and bringing back new ones at the actual appropriate time. Thank you very much.
However, my tell-tale face didn’t get by Southern Gentleman…and he told me I looked mean! “I looked mean?”, I inquired….he said, “Yes”. Well, I guess extreme stupidity aggravates me and The Face oftentimes does what The Face wants to do. The waitress only validated The Face when she insisted on taking away the food, apologizing endlessly…if you’re going to be a server, serve the food properly, is all I’m saying.
The conversation flowed as we traded stories of past relationships (isn’t that one of the subjects you’re NOT supposed to talk about on a first date?)…and I regaled him with my extremely detailed stories of my loves past…I apologized for the overabundance of details (which of course is my specialty), and he said he likes the details. Good answer Southern Gentleman. He offered me some of his pecan trout, which was quite tasty…and I shared my crab cakes with him…which were heavy on the crab, light on the cake…just how you want them to be…details, details…
We discussed that we’re both writers and painters….or, more accurately, that we both aspire to write more and actually put a paint brush to canvas. I suggested we carve out some time and do it together. Apparently, I felt very comfortable, confident, in control. I love it when I feel like that.
After Southern Gentleman helped me polish off my crab cakes, the waitress asked if we wanted dessert…we both enthusiastically said yes…I think in part because we really wanted to eat dessert, in part because we didn’t want the night to end. So, we ordered a huge hunk of Key Lime Pie…Houston’s has the best I’ve ever had…super tart key limey-ness and a delicious thick and chunky graham cracker crust…my mouth is watering just thinking about it. Southern Gentleman asked me if I like ice cream…what kind of question is that? ...and he ordered a scoop on the side. This guy just keeps getting better and better.
He is college educated, and he'd worked in some obscure profession that I didn't comprehend (I think he may have made it up, actually), but his primary profession at the moment is personal training…says he can make more money doing that 10 hours a week than working for someone else 10 hours a day. I blatantly tell him I don’t know what kind of PT he is, but I think if I hired him I’d gain 10 pounds!...or maybe that’s just if I continue dating him.
We’re about half way through the pie…and I was clearly slowing down…to the point where I actually put the fork down and sat back…he looked at me and asked, “You’re not done, are you?” I assured him I was just resting…and then we dug back in. With 2 bites left on the plate and both of our forks down…my heart beating fast from the wine (only 1 glass) and sugar rush, he said he has a thing about leaving food on the plate…I said, "I do too"…then we polished it off.
I could actually feel the googley eyed grin fixated across my face (I think it was there from the moment I laid eyes on him), which also seemed to be reflected back at me, because I kept catching glimpses of those sexy, uneven teeth. He asked me why I was laughing…I told him I wasn’t laughing, I was smiling. Can't a girl just look and smile? He paid the check, after looking at me in utter dismay upon my offering to contribute…and then he asked if I wanted another drink or a coffee. He wasn’t drinking… said he rarely drinks…I asked if he does so only on special occasions…and then gave him a hard time about this not being such an occassion? He said it absolutely was, which is why he wanted to stay completely lucid,…but then followed it up by letting me know he had a few drinks before leaving the house….clearly, he was kidding….his sense of humor definitely translated from his written word to his spoken words. Handsome, articulate, sense of humor…check, check, check.
Apparently during one of my storytelling episodes I rolled my eyes (no idea what I was saying that brought that on…but really, anything can trigger it)…and he asked me, “Did you just roll your eyes?” I told him, “Yeah, probably, I’ve been doing that since kindergarten”. I loved the fact that he: a) noticed that I did that and b) totally called me on it. Southern Gentleman may have picked up a little NY edge…perhaps from living in Bay Ridge for many years after falling in love with a Brooklyn girl in college in SC and moving “home” with her. Small world. Shortly thereafter he asked me if I’d “just whined”…and in an extremely whiney voice I asked, “I don’t know, did I?” Either he totally got my sense of humor and/or found me comical, or he thought I was just cute enough to let it slide…or maybe he likes whiney, eye-rolling, JAP looking Italian Jews from Brooklyn….maybe all of the above?

Southern Gentleman offered to walk me to my car as we exited the restaurant….I said “Oh, that would be great”…to which he replied, “You have a funny way of saying things”. I asked him what he meant, and he said I sounded incredibly sarcastic. I laughed and told him I was completely sincere…which I was. We told each other we had a great time and he promptly asked me if I’d like to go out again. I, quite sincerely, told him that I absolutely would. He asked if I like movies…I told him I do…and I asked him if he wanted to go see one…now. I never know when enough is enough. He asked if I was serious…I paused for effect and said, “Yes”. He looked at his watch, it was 9:45…then I asked…how are we going to go to a movie?…we don’t even know what’s playing or when…he said he’s pretty resourceful…but that plan fell apart as quickly as it came together and we decided to wait until next time. We finally exchanged numbers (I told him earlier that I found it unusual that he’d never asked for mine…apparently he thought it was my place to offer the number)…must be a Southern thing? We said our goodbyes, he bent down to hug me…I texted him when I got home telling him I had a great time. He responded with the following: “Me too…one of the best dates I’ve been on. Great 2 finally see u in person”…and then he emailed me some of his writing….which was really good…very detailed and descriptive…kind of like mine.