How Do You Know?

How do you know, unless by looking back in retrospect, whether you're making the right decision or not? I think you can never know for sure. The best you can do is make an educated guess, a calculated decision based on experience and logic. And sometimes you throw experience, logic and caution to the wind and, ignoring them all, you move forward anyway. You may move forward tentatively...holding your heart back, or trying to, anyway, if that's not your strong suit. But then how can you be fully engaged in the experience? How can you be your loving, affectionate self if you're holding yourself back, trying as you might, to protect yourself, to guard your heart?
What makes us decide to give someone another chance, as opposed to dismissing them as yet another one of the many undeserving? A feeling, a hunch, a belief, a hope?
I've decided to do something completely uncharacteristic of me, and give someone not a second, which I barely believe in, but a third chance. As of last Thursday, the Southern Gentleman is back in my life. In an unexpected turn of events, we reconnected. And, despite what would normally be my "better judgement" (which for me is an oxymoron anyway), I decided to give him another chance. Why? I guess it boiled down to how it felt the last time I saw him...back in April, when I was sick and he brought me chicken soup and chocolate cake and we watched movies at my place. It was cozy, comfortable. It felt really good. I liked it. And I didn't see anything country or bumpkin about him. At all. All I saw was 6'4" of green eyed gourgeousness. With that memory in mind, three months later, I decided to give it another shot.
He picked me up and we went on the sushi date we were supposed to have in April. We talked, discussed, I gave him just a bit of a hard time about what was his latest disappearance....he expected it, knew he deserved it, and took it like a man. But I told him I didn't want to get caught up in all that...I'd already discussed with him how I felt about what had transpired and he agreed that he was 100% wrong and that I was 100% right. Enough said. If we were going to move forward we needed to move past that.
From the minute I laid eyes on him again when he appeared at my door, I was...okay, let's face it...I was in love. But, this time it's different. I'm leary. I'm suspecting. I'm wondering. Will he disappear again? My experience with the SG was different from the start. We'd never kissed. Not on our first, second or third dates. This is highly unusual for me. Could be because he doesn't drink. At all. And I really don't drink alone. So, I've never been drunk with him. Never had my guard or inhibitions down with him. It's been nice, sweet, friendly. Aside from the disappearances, I mean.
After sushi we went back to my place and watched a movie...and picked up where we left off three months ago...me laying on the couch with my legs on his lap and him massaging my feet, then holding my hand and tickling my arm. It was nice. He did make an unexpectedly early exit...with some excuse about having to call his dad about a family situation. I was a bit perplexed. But, somehow, this behavior didn't really surprise me, and I didn't question him. I walked him to the door and waited for him to bend down to give me our usual good bye hug...which he did...but then he kissed me. Took me by surprise. A good surprise. Before leaving he asked if he could see me again. I smiled and said yes. He texted me when he got home, thanking me for giving him another chance. I replied saying, "Maybe the third time WILL be the charm:)." He responded, "Yes it will be...is:)."