Good Fortune

I should not have eaten the ridiculous amount of Chinese food that I just inhaled but, as they say, everything happens for a reason. The reason, apparently, was my fortune cookie...well, both of them. The first one I cracked suggested that I, "Seek out the significance of your problem at this time. Try to understand." As if that wasn't direct enough, the next one was kind enough to remind me, "Time heals all wounds. Keep your chin up".
Quite apropos, considering I just let some schmuck burn me for the third time because I was too weak, desperate and stupid to do the right thing for myself. So instead, I hung myself out there, at his mercy, for the third time. Pathetic. I didn't do the right thing for myself. My heart knew it. My gut knew it. Hell, even my brain knew it. But I ignored all of my instincts. I broke my own rules. Loneliness and desperation can make a girl do really stupid things. They've been making me do stupid things for a really long time.
This could be my new credo...which I should utter upon waking every morning, as a reminder to set the tone for the day, and as I get into bed at night, to keep my mind focused on my daily purpose...to do the right thing for myself. Sometimes, this is easier said than done. Sometimes we don't realize, at the moment, that we're not doing the right thing for ourselves. But, there are other times, there are many times that it is so blatantly obvious that you are not doing the right thing for yourself...okay, I'll speak for myself....it is so obvious that I am not doing the right thing for MYSELF, that it's really cause for me to pause, step back and ask myself: WHY? Of course, I already know the answer. I'm afraid. I feel undeserving. I'm angry. I don't value myself enough. I need to focus on these feelings, and treat myself with more respect...respect myself enough to NOT give a guy a third chance when he's already fucked up royally twice, knowing full well that the only possible outcome is that he will surely only disappoint me a third time. No more second chances.